Homegrown Weirdo Badass.

810,638 notes

*hears noises at night*:
well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*:
I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*:
I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*:
here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*:
don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*:
great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*:
I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
*period is late*:
shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary

7,251 notes


things to say during sex

  • hey wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • well well well, someones looking desperate!
  • man its been so long since ive inhabited a body!
  • [slaps self] WOO [slaps self again] WOO! haha
  • pain is hilarious!
  • boy these arms are durable

(via naomao)

94,254 notes


What High school looks like in commercials by Childish Brandino

(via sleepingrogue)